I'm Proud To Be An American (CEO)

If tomorrow all the jobs were gone,
I’d achieve my goal in life.
I'd give away my shares,
To just my children and my wife.

I’d thank my lucky stars,
to be livin here today.
'Cause the flag still stands for freedom,
and they can’t take that away.

And I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the unemployed,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

From the factories of Africa,
to our friends the Chinese.
Across the plains of India,
From sea to shining sea.

From tech support to textiles,
To production and offshore banks.
We've cut our costs in taxes
and its time you stand and say.


That you're proud not to be an American,
where at least you know you're free.
And you wont forget that you're employed,
And you got that job from me.

And you'll gladly stand up,
Next to me, and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt we love this land,
God bless the USA.

And I’m proud to be and American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the unemployed ,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

- Jake

GOP Party Time!

It's party time again, for the Grand Old.  I don't see so much "grand" as I do "old" this time around, though. How many of you out there on the interwebs have watched at least one of these debates?  If you're into reality TV crap, this is your Mecca.  The stuff on so called "reality" TV isn't real.  Take Jersey Shore for example.  A group of guys and girls who do not have jobs, do not have responsibility (well, to their credit, they do laundry once a day, which is more than sufficient to keep clothes clean, but hey! they're being proactive about something, right?) or accountability, spend nearly every day and night drunk out of their minds, and buy stuff with an unseemly never ending bank account.  That's not reality.  You know what is?  Watching these candidates display the worst of human nature. Oh sure, you can see that on The Real Housewives, Survivor, and any other reality show where contestants "throw each other under the bus."  While I'm on the subject of scripted reality, I think I'll tackle it really quick. 

Another way to poke holes in the "reality show" bubble is to examine the cliches that are used each season.  Everyone says them, so it has to be scripted.  Another one I hate to hear is "for the right reasons".  They always say that, and how are we as an audience supposed to interpret the phrase when everyone on the show says it?  See how confusing this could be in my example: Tammy says, "Freddie went to the kitchen, but I don't think he went for the right reason."  So why did Freddie go to the kitchen?  Well, you might say, he was hungry.  But if he was hungry, and someone thought he wasn't going to the kitchen for the right reason, then that means he went to the kitchen with ulterior motives.  Maybe  Freddie finally snapped, and the voice in his head said he needed to kill Janice after all.  Tammy would be right, because you would think the right reason to go to the kitchen is to make yourself a ham and cheese sammich with light mayo, lettuce, and tomato on a croissant.  But!  Then again, that might not be the "right reason" either, because maybe to Freddie, the "right reason" was to extract his revenge on Janice for "throwing him under the bus".  So Tammy is incorrect in the assumption that he didn't go for the "right reason", because her "right reason" and his are different.  Confused?  Me too.  Let's talk politics.

Politics.  I'll break that word down to its roots so that we can fully understand what the situation is (and I don't mean the guy from Jersey Shore).  Politics comes from two words "poly" and "ticks".  "Poly" meanining many, and "ticks", meaning blood sucking ectoparasites that can infect their victim with bacteria, viruses, and protozoa while engaging in a predatory relationship.  

So let's look at some highlights of the recent debate between the parasites who want to suck your vote for President:

• Nearly every time the Bachmann speaks, she throws in and emphasizes Obama or Obamacare, whether or not it's relative to the question asked.  
• Perry calls Cain "brother".  Wow, you've got some nerve doing that, Texan.
• Cain confuses everyone (including himself) by talking about fruit.
• Romney reaches out and grabs Perry to ask him to shut his pie hole.
• Perry exercises restraint and does not punch out Romney the way we know he would like to. 
• The audience boos Perry repeatedly for comments he makes.
• Ron Paul philosophizes about how great a Utopian society would be as long as it is definitely not a Utopia,  Ronald Regean is dictator (but not called a dictator), health care doesn't exist for those who can't afford it so they die off and natural selection dominates.
• Cain reemphasizes that if you're poor it's your own fault.  Not to mention 9.1% unemployment, outsourcing, corporate greed, machines taking humans' jobs, graduate students who are more than qualified for work but no one will hire them, unbalanced budgets...
• Santorum refuses to make eye contact with anyone as he responds to questions.
• Romney is attacked brutally for cutting his lawn.
• Perry is attacked brutally for being Rick Perry.
• Cain takes heat for his 9-9-9 plan that none of the candidates have read, but know that it has to be awful because they have yet to write a plan of their own.
• Bachmann says, ""Anderson! Ander- Anderson! A- And- Anderson! Anderson! A- Anders- And- And- Anderson! Anderson!" And Anderson Cooper disappoints by not responding with "WHAAAAAAAT?"
• Newt Gingrich throws in his two cents before each commercial break to remind us that he's been there all along.
• Each candidate tells us how far superior they are from everyone else.
• Each candidate belittles at least two others with sub-belt punches.

Another successful party has come to an end.  Can I take some guacamole home with me in an air tight container?